You're not a monster
by NightOwl2808
Summary: Set after the incident with the Mountain Men. Jasper regrets blaming Monty who is spiraling into depression.


**Just a short story I've had written on my phone for quite a while actually…#Jontyforever…It's pretty late right now so I'm probably being super weird…since it's Summer I may or may not have been staying up until 2am and later for the past few days…oh well…Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: If I owned the 100, my favorite characters wouldn't die in every episode…So no, I don't own it *sniff***

The sight of Monty scared him. No…it terrified him.

The optimistic, supportive Monty now looked as if he was dying.

Huge bags were under his eyes which no longer held the usual hopeful light in them. He looked like a bag of bones wrapped in a thin layer of extremely pale skin.

"Monty…" Jasper choked out as his friend continued to stare at the ground.

'This is all my fault!' Jasper thought to himself. 'I blamed him for everything that happened with Maya and the others.'

"Monty." Jasper said again, this time his voice more gentle but firm at the same time.

The once cheerful hacker now only stared at him with dead eyes. Those eyes seemed to pierce into his soul, drawing out every emotion at once. Guilt, sadness, _regret_.

Guilt for how poorly he treated his best friend, sadness for the state Monty was in at the moment, and regret for not being there for him all this time to help him through the pain.

 _Help him through the pain._

Everything was now connecting in Jaspers mind. His thoughts wandered back to their days on the ark. Monty had always been the one to make others feel better whenever they were down. His warm smile could instantly brighten a sour mood. That same grin was always plastered on his face as if he was trying to make sure everyone else was content, with almost no concern for himself.

Yet Monty would never really show his feelings whenever he was distressed or annoyed. He'd always bottled those sentiments up, dealing with whatever was going on alone. While others would complain about the smallest grievances, Monty would only smile and insist nothing was wrong, even going as far as to ask if you were okay.

Of course Jasper had tried (several times at that) to get his friend to open up and tell him what was wrong. Every single time, Monty would shake his head and reassure Jasper he was doing fine.

Now was not the time to be dealing with this alone. All the guilt and sorrow Monty felt seemed to be weighing him down. At the rate he was plummeting into this depression, Jasper knew it wouldn't be long before he was lost forever.

"Dammit Monty…what have I done…you look terrible…I'm so sorry..." Jasper rattled out, unable to find the right words to console his friend who was in a large amount of pain because of him.

"Don't apologize. None of this is your fault. I deserved everything. I'm a monster for what I did…I'm the one who should be saying sorry. If I died instead so you could stop hurting, I would." Monty said.

Jasper's eyes widened in shock, his sadness now replaced with anger.

"Just shut up! Don't say those things about yourself because you are not a monster. You did what had to be done. No one blames you for anything…especially me." Jasper stopped, tears threatening to fall. "If you died…I don't know what I'd do without you. I couldn't live knowing that the reason my friend is gone was because of me."

Monty's eyes welled up with tears. "Jasper I'm sorry!"

Jasper pulled his best friend, who was now full on crying, into a hug and rubbed his back. He too started to cry.

"We're a big blubbering mess aren't we? Crying like two little girls." Jasper attempted to lighten the mood and was flooded with relief when he heard a small chuckle.

"I'm happy you-" Jasper was cut off by Monty's sobs stopping abruptly, and the boy went completely still. "Monty?"

Before he could say anything else, Monty fell, his body now hanging limply in Jasper's arms.

"Shit…Monty! We need some help over here!" Jasper shouted as Bellamy ran over to them.

"Get him to the medical tent! What happened?" Bellamy demanded while Monty was taken to Clarke's mom.

"After what happened with the mountain men, he hasn't been taking care of himself. I think he stopped eating and sleeping…It's all my fault." Jasper explained.

"Stop Jasper. He chose to do this. Just because you were a factor in it doesn't mean it's entirely your fault. He's grieving and we all hold a piece of the blame for not watching over him." Bellamy said with a gentleness Jasper never realized he had in him.

The two headed to the medical tent where Jasper told Abby what had happened and stayed by Monty's side while she worked on him.

"He'll be fine aside from his fever. For now he just needs some rest, fluids, and something to eat. Other than that we'll monitor his health for a few days. I'm afraid that fever he has might get worse." Abby gave a sympathetic smile and left Jasper with Monty.

Jasper tightened his grip on Monty's hand, his unkempt hair covering his eyes.

"You'll get better in no time. I'm never gonna do something like this again." Jasper looked up, a tear escaping down his cheek.

"I promise."

 **Hope you liked it! Don't forget that I appreciate your reviews. See ya!**


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